I have five kids, and I am sure the word failure is not completely accurate to describe my skills as a parent but I am pretty sure there were moments it was the only way to label my mistakes.
I have often said that I gleaned so little understanding about parenting from my parents that my kids raised me. Their lessons on how I didn't want to sound like my parents or be that mom that everyone was mortified to see at the grocery store or even my desire to be the cool parent were so much more of my parental degree than anything else I might have gotten early in life.
I was so driven to get it right, and so burdened by the fact that although there were technically two parents in the house, I often felt like I was the only one practicing the art. To say that I became a little too serious and obsessed with raising my kids perfectly would be way past an understatement.
But the most amazing thing is they all turned out pretty decent. There are flaws, but as far as I know nothing that can't be fixed or at least self-mended as they move into the mid-day of their lives.
I was fairly young when my kids joined my reality, and now that I am watching them from my life-afternoon, I can feel pride in knowing I did the best that I could given the knowledge that I had, the self education and the challenges they set for me to face.
Now as I watch two of my girls be great moms, and the other three experience the joys of being and aunt or uncles, I am reminded that my education is far from over. Nor is my ability to still share wisdom and tricks of the trade.
The newest lesson comes in the form of my daughters attempt to not only parent her own child but to help as a step parent to my step-grand. With the many issues that she faces and the challenges that her partner and dad to the AB are handling, they are figuring out what the kiddo needs to become a balanced and self reliant person, all the while trying to maintain their sanity.
The not so great fact about 9-to-10 year olds is their ability to create diversions, rely on those who don't really adhere to the housedhold disciplines and dramatize any situation they can't manipulate their way out of. These traits while may come in handy later in life, say if she chooses to be an actress, attorney or well you have heard all those jokes about those careers we all try to steer our kids towards or away from depending on our own opinions about rats, snakes and salesmen.
So in the ever increasing desire to be pro-actively solving problems, my amazing first born daughter who was my professor of child-rearing, came up with an idea to de-flate some of the phone drama, give everyone a voice and allow AB to also see what others feel about her actions...good or bad.
Her idea was to buy a very nice hard bound journal, and use it to share news with the mom. This will be something that they can glue pictures, artwork, notes, cards and other creations in. A place to post those non emergency things that sometimes we all wish we could remember to share with someone, especially the good stuff. It will have its own little bag and will travel to and from AB's two homes or anywhere she chooses to take it. She will be able to share her thoughts...and hopefully keep her mom from missing those moments we always seem to forget anyway.
I am so proud of my kids, and while I am still co-parenting my youngest who will soon be 14, I am thinking that once again my daughter has taught me something about parenting and I am going to get a journal to go back and forth too. Not sure the other half will use it...but I hope my kiddo will take a moment or two everyday to share something with me. I hope too that this will take away some of the hurt of not being there everyday of his life...
